I wanted to personally thank Stevonne Smith for improving the quality of my life over the past two weeks. Stevonne, I love you and your junior college classmate so much.
Also, I want to make sure everyone is familiar with Orenthal's newest situation.
Can we all please making a genuine effort to contribute to this wonderful site?
Thank you.
Ampy, I can't get the picture thing to work or I would post pictures of Stevonne and Orenthal.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Mandatory Reading
Occasionally, you run across something that is just so important, it deserves attention. Such was the case with this article, originally published in 1976.
ABA wheeled out its best for first slam dunk contest
Click here for more on this story
By John Papanek
Issue date: February 9, 1976
You probably couldn't get Lloyd's of London to write a whole lot of long-term insurance on the American Basketball Association these days, but if the affair in Denver last week called the Ninth Annual All-Star Game was a dying man's last gasp, it came through as some very loud whoops and hollers. Contributing to the unfunereal gaiety were Charlie (Silver Fox) Rich and the Rhinestone Cowboy himself, Glen Campbell, imported by the host Nuggets to hype the gate with a two-hour pre-game concert. Also, the game itself was a cut or two above the normal All-Star fare. Acknowledging that the shrunken seven-team league could not be divided into two equal parts, the format pitted the front-running Nuggets against the best of the rest, and it turned out to be a very good game, won by the Nuggets 144-138. But beyond all that, those red, white and blue ball crazies came up with the greatest halftime invention since the rest room: the First Annual Slam-Dunk Contest.
One edge the ABA holds over the rival NBA is the planet's richest stable of slam-dunk artists, and for the occasion of this first ever slam-dunk competition, the league wheeled out five of its best. The first three contestants were Artis Gilmore, the Kentucky giant, and wispy George Gervin and long Larry Kenon, both of San Antonio. Those three could dunk, all right, but everybody knew that the contest would probably wind up as a shattering showdown between New York's Julius Erving, M.D. (Mr. Dunk) and Denver's amazing flying boy David Thompson, Ph.D., who has recently been rewriting the laws of gravity.
Dunk-shot artists can fly. They defy physics. In a game shortly before the All-Star break, Thompson was standing at the bottom of the dotted half of the foul circle -- seven feet from the basket -- with two defenders boxing him away from the offensive boards. When a missed shot came off the front of the rim, Thompson rose his normal nine feet off the floor and in one smooth motion speared the ball with his right hand, sent it screaming down through the rim and returned to earth at the same spot from which he took off. Isaac Newton, had he been at courtside, would have said what the 15,021 fans and sportswriters said: impossible. Yet the Rock Mountain News documented the historic event with an indisputable sequence of photographs.
The slam dunk has a strange effect on basketball people. They yell and they scream. They wail. They shake their heads and slap palms. They tear at each other's clothes. Among the true believers the prospect of seeing five super dunkers practice their sublime art was at least as enthralling as the game itself.
"David's had butterflies all week," reported Thompson's roommate, Monte Towe. "We've been trying to help him, tell him which of his dunks are the best."
"I'll just be David," said the rookie levitationalist.
Erving had spent 15 minutes in the locker room before the game, pantomiming his act, moving an imaginary ball around from behind his back and over his head in various hooks and pumps.
Rumors in McNichols Sports Arena were that Thompson would attempt his fabled "cradle the baby" dunk, in which he cradles the ball in the crook of his left elbow, goes high over the rim and punches the ball smartly through with his right fist. Erving, it was whispered, was going to try to dunk from a standing start at the foul line -- a distance of 15 feet -- by rocking his body back and forth until he achieved take-off momentum. That really is impossible, but Erving had made a $1,500 bet with Denver Assistant Coach Doug Moe that with a running start he could dunk from the foul line, a mean enough feat.
Diplomatically, Erving had asked the New York Nets' Kevin Loughery who coached the All-Stars, if maybe they shouldn't get a white player into the competition. "Well," said Loughery, "what white players know how to dunk?"
"Um," said Erving.
The rule required five dunks: two compulsory moves -- one from underneath the basket, the other from the bottom of the foul circle -- and three free-style -- one from the left, one from the right and one from the baseline. A four-man panel graded each dunk as if Dr. J et al. were so many figure skaters. Two extra backboards and rims were ready "in case somebody brings one down," and all the nondunking Nuggets and All-Stars were attentive when the five contestants were introduced. "That is a serious crew," said Kentucky's Maurice Lucas as Gilmore got ready to start the earth trembling.
Flamboyance is not Gilmore's style. "When I dunk, I try to make the ball stick to the floor," he says. With one ball in each hand, Gilmore sent himself up from underneath. Wham! Slam! The crowd went ohhh, as if it had just witnessed a terrible accident. The Nugget PA announcer cautioned the photographers who were lying on their backs underneath the basket: "Please back off, The Denver Nuggets fear for your lives." One of Gilmore's dunks, a ferocious left hook, was slightly off-center, and vibrated rapidly between the sides of the rim. "Yeah!" yelled Lucas. "A rub-in!"
Next came Gervin, called the Iceman. The 6'7" guard -- the only one in the contest -- looked shaken after Gilmore's performance. He approached the basket with two balls in his hands, looked at the balls and at the hoop and then sheepishly rolled one of the balls away. "I know I can throw one through," he said, "but I ain't gonna try something I know I can't do. Might get hurt." One of Gervin's dunks was the "coiled snake," his whole right arm wrapped around the ball, uncoiling like a snake with the ball rolling down his arm and fingers. Kenon then turned in a "rim-shaker" and a flying baseline assault, but like Gervin he missed one dunk and was out of the running.
The Denver fans had seen Thompson work plenty of magic in the half season he had been there, and they wanted more from him now. The dunkers were being judged on artistry, innovativeness, body flow and crowd reaction, and Thompson naturally had 100% in the last department. For his compulsories, he slammed one ball with two hands backward from a standing start under the basket and made a high running windmill from the right and brought the ball from his waist, back behind his head slamming it down so hard that the force of the shot seemed to propel people from their seats.
Suddenly Dr. J looked worried and stared loosening up. Then David zoomed in from the left and tried a bank dunk -- he actually attempted to dunk the ball off the glass, but missed. His finale was a spectacular 360-degree midair miracle performed with Baryshnikovian perfection. The players leaped to their feet. "He is a mile high," shouted St. Louis' Marvin Barnes. "No, we're a mile high," said Lucas, remembering what city they were in. "He's two mile high." While everyone was screaming, the low-keyed Gilmore looked at his shoes and muttered, "Oh, no, Doc's in trouble."
Doc was not in trouble. When it was his turn, the rest of the players moved onto the court and sat cross-legged on the floor. The Doc coolly walked up to the basket with two balls and jammed them both backward behind his head. Wham! His compulsories done, he stood at the foul line, staring at the basket, then turned dramatically to pace off 10 long strides to the top of the foul circle at the other end of the court. He held the ball like a marble in his long fingers, took two quick steps and three antelope strides and he was airborne. His arm started a swift and powerful windmill, releasing the ball like a speeding particle from a cyclotron. The All-Stars were moaning. Only primitive, guttural sounds could be heard. "Hey, the Doc is the best ever," yelled Moe, who was happy because Erving had taken off two inches inside the foul line. "He moves like liquid Prell."
Dan Issel, Denver's center and one of the white players not invited to dunk, said, "Hey, this is nothing. Where are all the white guys? At the final buzzer of the game I'm going to be doing a trapeze act."
Erving was the unanimous winner. First runner-up Thompson was a little sorry he hadn't tried the "baby cradle." "Maybe I should have," he said, "but there's a 50-50 chance I might have missed it. And besides, it's dangerous."
The Doctor said his greatest dunking days were behind him ("My knees are only 75% of what they used to be"), but he didn't apologize for not trying the standing-rocking foul-line dunk. "There ain't enough rocking in the world for that," he said, adding that a great dunk shot was a time suspension, "an opportunity in a team sport for an individual to express himself in a memorable way. If you fly or hang in the air so long in a way that only you can do, it's a great rush. Like that commercial, 'There's nobody exactly like you.' Well, for just a split second I'm just that, and I don't think there's anybody who doesn't know it."
Except, perhaps, Issel, who performed his trapeze act as promised: a soaring dunk of an offensive rebound, the fifth "white dunk" of the game. That gave the Nuggets an eight-point lead with 1:17 left, and they held on for the win. Afterward Issel made an official announcement: "I hope that dunk impressed the slam-dunk selection committee enough so that I might be invited to compete for the designated dunker title next year. I want ... the Doctor."
Issue date: February 9, 1976
Click here for more on this story
By John Papanek
Issue date: February 9, 1976
You probably couldn't get Lloyd's of London to write a whole lot of long-term insurance on the American Basketball Association these days, but if the affair in Denver last week called the Ninth Annual All-Star Game was a dying man's last gasp, it came through as some very loud whoops and hollers. Contributing to the unfunereal gaiety were Charlie (Silver Fox) Rich and the Rhinestone Cowboy himself, Glen Campbell, imported by the host Nuggets to hype the gate with a two-hour pre-game concert. Also, the game itself was a cut or two above the normal All-Star fare. Acknowledging that the shrunken seven-team league could not be divided into two equal parts, the format pitted the front-running Nuggets against the best of the rest, and it turned out to be a very good game, won by the Nuggets 144-138. But beyond all that, those red, white and blue ball crazies came up with the greatest halftime invention since the rest room: the First Annual Slam-Dunk Contest.
One edge the ABA holds over the rival NBA is the planet's richest stable of slam-dunk artists, and for the occasion of this first ever slam-dunk competition, the league wheeled out five of its best. The first three contestants were Artis Gilmore, the Kentucky giant, and wispy George Gervin and long Larry Kenon, both of San Antonio. Those three could dunk, all right, but everybody knew that the contest would probably wind up as a shattering showdown between New York's Julius Erving, M.D. (Mr. Dunk) and Denver's amazing flying boy David Thompson, Ph.D., who has recently been rewriting the laws of gravity.
Dunk-shot artists can fly. They defy physics. In a game shortly before the All-Star break, Thompson was standing at the bottom of the dotted half of the foul circle -- seven feet from the basket -- with two defenders boxing him away from the offensive boards. When a missed shot came off the front of the rim, Thompson rose his normal nine feet off the floor and in one smooth motion speared the ball with his right hand, sent it screaming down through the rim and returned to earth at the same spot from which he took off. Isaac Newton, had he been at courtside, would have said what the 15,021 fans and sportswriters said: impossible. Yet the Rock Mountain News documented the historic event with an indisputable sequence of photographs.
The slam dunk has a strange effect on basketball people. They yell and they scream. They wail. They shake their heads and slap palms. They tear at each other's clothes. Among the true believers the prospect of seeing five super dunkers practice their sublime art was at least as enthralling as the game itself.
"David's had butterflies all week," reported Thompson's roommate, Monte Towe. "We've been trying to help him, tell him which of his dunks are the best."
"I'll just be David," said the rookie levitationalist.
Erving had spent 15 minutes in the locker room before the game, pantomiming his act, moving an imaginary ball around from behind his back and over his head in various hooks and pumps.
Rumors in McNichols Sports Arena were that Thompson would attempt his fabled "cradle the baby" dunk, in which he cradles the ball in the crook of his left elbow, goes high over the rim and punches the ball smartly through with his right fist. Erving, it was whispered, was going to try to dunk from a standing start at the foul line -- a distance of 15 feet -- by rocking his body back and forth until he achieved take-off momentum. That really is impossible, but Erving had made a $1,500 bet with Denver Assistant Coach Doug Moe that with a running start he could dunk from the foul line, a mean enough feat.
Diplomatically, Erving had asked the New York Nets' Kevin Loughery who coached the All-Stars, if maybe they shouldn't get a white player into the competition. "Well," said Loughery, "what white players know how to dunk?"
"Um," said Erving.
The rule required five dunks: two compulsory moves -- one from underneath the basket, the other from the bottom of the foul circle -- and three free-style -- one from the left, one from the right and one from the baseline. A four-man panel graded each dunk as if Dr. J et al. were so many figure skaters. Two extra backboards and rims were ready "in case somebody brings one down," and all the nondunking Nuggets and All-Stars were attentive when the five contestants were introduced. "That is a serious crew," said Kentucky's Maurice Lucas as Gilmore got ready to start the earth trembling.
Flamboyance is not Gilmore's style. "When I dunk, I try to make the ball stick to the floor," he says. With one ball in each hand, Gilmore sent himself up from underneath. Wham! Slam! The crowd went ohhh, as if it had just witnessed a terrible accident. The Nugget PA announcer cautioned the photographers who were lying on their backs underneath the basket: "Please back off, The Denver Nuggets fear for your lives." One of Gilmore's dunks, a ferocious left hook, was slightly off-center, and vibrated rapidly between the sides of the rim. "Yeah!" yelled Lucas. "A rub-in!"
Next came Gervin, called the Iceman. The 6'7" guard -- the only one in the contest -- looked shaken after Gilmore's performance. He approached the basket with two balls in his hands, looked at the balls and at the hoop and then sheepishly rolled one of the balls away. "I know I can throw one through," he said, "but I ain't gonna try something I know I can't do. Might get hurt." One of Gervin's dunks was the "coiled snake," his whole right arm wrapped around the ball, uncoiling like a snake with the ball rolling down his arm and fingers. Kenon then turned in a "rim-shaker" and a flying baseline assault, but like Gervin he missed one dunk and was out of the running.
The Denver fans had seen Thompson work plenty of magic in the half season he had been there, and they wanted more from him now. The dunkers were being judged on artistry, innovativeness, body flow and crowd reaction, and Thompson naturally had 100% in the last department. For his compulsories, he slammed one ball with two hands backward from a standing start under the basket and made a high running windmill from the right and brought the ball from his waist, back behind his head slamming it down so hard that the force of the shot seemed to propel people from their seats.
Suddenly Dr. J looked worried and stared loosening up. Then David zoomed in from the left and tried a bank dunk -- he actually attempted to dunk the ball off the glass, but missed. His finale was a spectacular 360-degree midair miracle performed with Baryshnikovian perfection. The players leaped to their feet. "He is a mile high," shouted St. Louis' Marvin Barnes. "No, we're a mile high," said Lucas, remembering what city they were in. "He's two mile high." While everyone was screaming, the low-keyed Gilmore looked at his shoes and muttered, "Oh, no, Doc's in trouble."
Doc was not in trouble. When it was his turn, the rest of the players moved onto the court and sat cross-legged on the floor. The Doc coolly walked up to the basket with two balls and jammed them both backward behind his head. Wham! His compulsories done, he stood at the foul line, staring at the basket, then turned dramatically to pace off 10 long strides to the top of the foul circle at the other end of the court. He held the ball like a marble in his long fingers, took two quick steps and three antelope strides and he was airborne. His arm started a swift and powerful windmill, releasing the ball like a speeding particle from a cyclotron. The All-Stars were moaning. Only primitive, guttural sounds could be heard. "Hey, the Doc is the best ever," yelled Moe, who was happy because Erving had taken off two inches inside the foul line. "He moves like liquid Prell."
Dan Issel, Denver's center and one of the white players not invited to dunk, said, "Hey, this is nothing. Where are all the white guys? At the final buzzer of the game I'm going to be doing a trapeze act."
Erving was the unanimous winner. First runner-up Thompson was a little sorry he hadn't tried the "baby cradle." "Maybe I should have," he said, "but there's a 50-50 chance I might have missed it. And besides, it's dangerous."
The Doctor said his greatest dunking days were behind him ("My knees are only 75% of what they used to be"), but he didn't apologize for not trying the standing-rocking foul-line dunk. "There ain't enough rocking in the world for that," he said, adding that a great dunk shot was a time suspension, "an opportunity in a team sport for an individual to express himself in a memorable way. If you fly or hang in the air so long in a way that only you can do, it's a great rush. Like that commercial, 'There's nobody exactly like you.' Well, for just a split second I'm just that, and I don't think there's anybody who doesn't know it."
Except, perhaps, Issel, who performed his trapeze act as promised: a soaring dunk of an offensive rebound, the fifth "white dunk" of the game. That gave the Nuggets an eight-point lead with 1:17 left, and they held on for the win. Afterward Issel made an official announcement: "I hope that dunk impressed the slam-dunk selection committee enough so that I might be invited to compete for the designated dunker title next year. I want ... the Doctor."
Issue date: February 9, 1976
Friday, February 9, 2007
My first reaction to the announcement of Wade Phillips as the 7th head coach of the Dallas Cowboys was a subdued negativism. I was hoping that they would decide on Mike Singletary but knew that was a long shot. I would have been fine with Mike as head coach, Commander Cody as QB coach, Wilbert as RB coach, Dennis Gentry as WR coach and our own Scott Smith as ST coach (the anti-Avezzano).
From the way it played out, I was thinking that the timing was weird due to (1) Jerry deciding to take his time; (2) Jerry wavering on his decision; or (3) the media totally mismanaging our expectations. I’m sure that all three possibilities played a role. As it was developing, I had a feeling that Jerry would announce Norv as the head coach with Ron Rivera as the DC and the combination of Jason and Tony Sparano as the OCs. I would have been satisfied with that structure, knowing that we would probably be losing at least one of the coordinators in the next year or so, had it worked.
But alas, it came down that they were naming Wade. I see the logic in it. The offense played fairly well this year and should improve with Romo taking over. Apparently, they are high on Sparano as an assistant and also coveted Jason. Clearly, this tandem does not have much of a track record, but they appear to be bright prospects.
The defense on the other hand was broken – despite the bulk of their personnel resources (with the glorious exception of TO) allocated to that side of the ball and the Tuna’s supposed expertise. They never seemed to be on the attack, and as the 2006 season progressed, OCs increasingly enjoyed isolating certain players in unfavorable situations – specifically the ILBs and Safeties.
Thus, Jerry’s mindset might have been that he needed to address the defense from a coaching perspective. Had he been able to land Rivera as a DC, then I think we would have Norvin. He likely felt that he had to hire someone with NFL head coaching experience - with an emphasis on D given - the young assistants on the staff and the fact that this is a talented playoff team. Taking a chance on a rookie HC is much easier to swallow coming off of a 3-13 season. But coming off an underachieving season punctuated by a disapointing playoff loss, this team's arrow should be pointing up and pushing deep into the playoffs for the next few years.
So the obvious choice is Wade. This is not a sexy pick in any manner. As I thought about the logic and listened to our new HC, I started to become intriguied. Although he runs a 3-4, he is very different from the Tuna. He is nice, unassuming, soft spoken and surprisingly witty. He moves players around, is aggressive and tries to take advantage of their strngths, as opposed to just telling guys to line up and beat the guy in front of you. When he mentioned Terrell, he made it clear that he would refer to #81 by name, an tact that was beneath the Glorified Gym Teacher from NJ. His offensive approach is to get the playmakers in a position to make plays and to get them the ball. I think we can all agree that there is genius in his simplicity.
Wade’s defensive resume is supposedly impressive. The Chargers are certainly explosive on that side of the ball (although we all know that LT probably ripped them for numerous bonus TDs during scrimmages, but that’s not a knock on anyone). Merriman has flourished under Wade (and who knows what chemical supplements), which would seem to bode well for DeMarcus.
Of course, with all of the talk of his defensive success, the anal part of my analytical background kicked in, and I did what I always do – I ran some numbers. Unfortunately, the data seems to indicate that Wade’s defenses have been resoundingly average. I looked at his team’s ranks in points and yards allowed. This data, which dates to his days as the DC for NO in 1981, includes when he was a HC and a DC.
Overall, he averaged a rank of 14.5 and 14.8 for points and yards, respectively. I’m not sure what to expect, but those numbers strike me as middle of the pack. If we consider just his DC positions, the ranks are 14.6 and 15.6. If we look at his teams since 2000, he sits at average ranks of 14.5 and 16.5. If we take it back to 95, he improves to 13.2 and 13.2. I guess my conclusion is that he is somewhat above average. Generally, the defenses improved in their ranks from the years immediately before he coached there, but they tend to fluctuate while he’s on staff.
I do think his work at SD has been impressive, taking a team that ranked 31 and 27 in 2003 to 11-18 in 2004, 13-13 in 2005 and 7-10 in 2006. The Chargers have averaged a very respectable 10.3-13.7 under his guidance.
In addition, I don’t put too much emphasis on his head coaching record, especially with regard to the post season. He seems to win at an above-average rate but has had no success in the playoffs. His regular season record is admirable, and I think his lack of success in the playoffs is circumstancial. Consider that his Buffalo teams were lead by Doug Flutie and Rob Johnson at QB and Antowain Smith and Shawn Bryson at RB. Eric Moulds seemed to emerge during his Wade’s tenure there. At Denver, he did have Elway, but his top RBs were ROD BERNSTEIN and LEONARD RUSSEL for pete’s sake. Shannon Sharpe flourished, but the primary outside weapons were Glyn Milburn and Derek Russell.
The key I think is that we need someone to get him talent, which we should all acknowledge as a universal truth. Also, you have to have a soft spot for Bum.
Extracurricular note: (per IMDB) Tracy Phillips is the daughter of NFL head coach Wade Phillips. She is an actress and burlesque dancer living in Southern California. Her most famous work yet was playing Helena in My Chemical Romance's "Helena" music video. Other artists whose music videos she has appeared in include No Doubt, the Goo Goo Dolls, Ricky Martin, and The Offspring. She is one of the four dancers wearing black in Evanescence's "Call Me When You're Sober" music video. Tracey has also done commercials for Pepsi and GAP. She has appeared in such films as What Women Want, Clerks 2, and Jackass Number Two.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
A New Era ( Thank Jesus)
Well, there certainly has been a lot going on the past week or so- Michael getting elected into the HOF- Finally ( now we need Bob Hayes to follow suit along with about 15 other Cowboys), National Signing day featuring Noel Devine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uVzm_hKd2Y, and Wade Phillips being named the Head Coach of our beloved Heroes, officially nailing Fupa's coffin and waddling that worthless cocksucker out the door. Is Wade Phillips an exciting, sexy candidate? Absolutely not. But was Norv Turner? Jim Caldwell? Tony Sparano? Who really is in this day and age? There are maybe four really good coaches in the NFL- Belichick, Reid, Dungy, and Fisher. Lovie and Mangini definitely have potential, but let's see two more good years out of both of them. Who else? Schottenheimer? Please. Herm Edwards? Most overrated coach in football. Chuckie Gruden? Dick Jauron? Tom Coughlin? My point is that if you are going to go the recycled route, Wade is as good as any of them. He is a drinking buddy of Jerry's that knows a lot about Defense and personally nurtured Shawne, Jamal, Quentin, and Terrance. That is good enough for me. Will he win a Super Bowl? Probably not. Do you think Norv Turner would?
Phillips has a shitload of experience and has had a lot of success with his defenses. This can't be argued. He is from Orange, Tx. which is hard, and he personally weened Earl Campbell while the Tyler Rose was toting the rock for the Oilers, so this is good also. All of those really good Bronco and Bills defenses in the late 80's t0 mid 90's? Wade's. Plus, his dad is Bum who is borderline Amps. He was sitting on the side of the press conference with his buzz cut and a dip in and the guy is at least 80 years old. That has to get some commendation. Ampy had a good point a couple of weeks ago when he pointed out that maybe I was just a little bit too excited because I was so happy that Fupa was leaving. He is most likely ( as usual ) right. But I have been waiting for 4 years to enjoy my moment in the sun ( and to quote Al Bundy that is asking a lot from the sun), so I will continue whistling zippity doo dah for the next year. I'm not sure that Jason Garrett will be that great, but he will do just as well as Norv Turner. Please. Although Norv did suckle Franklin into fruition this season- which obviously holds an important place in my heart- I still think Wade will be better. As much as the media criticizes Jerry, you can't doubt his committment to delivering a winner. He may be too eccentric and want to stick his nose into everyone's business- but it is his team. Jerry is always going to do that. Mickey Spagnola is always going to do pre season games. Sean Hannity is always going to be annoying. Lisa Law's pussy is always going to stink. You just can't change inherent qualities about people. You just can't. I think it is important that we all cherish this moment- the moment that officially signs off on the Fupa era. Nothing could make me happier- unless Noel Devine and St. Matthew show up with stars on their helmets in the next 2-3 years. For your viewing pleasure, I have included a utube video of Noel running wild in Florida High School football. I have also included a glorious photo of him at the front of the schedule. Thanks to everyone for contributing to Ampsnation, let's keep up the good work.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Thursday, February 1, 2007
The Captain
Provisions in revised Bonds deal holding up process
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Associated Press
NEW YORK -- Barry Bonds' contract with the San Francisco Giants isn't final just yet. After the commissioner's office rejected Bonds' $15.8 million, one-year deal because it contained a personal-appearance provision, the team sent revised documents to his agent, Jeff Borris.
"At this time, Barry is not signing the new documents," Borris said.
Monday, January 29, 2007
In Memoriam
Dear Beloved Baby,
I, for one, will never, ever forget your spectacular backstretch gallop at Churchill Downs, when you shot past the field by 17 lengths and awakened the ghost of Secretariat.
Even Jesse Owens must have wept when he saw it.
Tonight, my daughters and I are grieving.
You were the real deal: No attitude. No roids. No looking back. Just an extraordinary gift of God.
Rest in Peace, Champion. We love you.
Checking In
Hello Amps Nation,
The pro scouts are comparing me to Big Dick but say I'm actually bigger, faster, and stronger. Someday, I hope to approach Eric's records, but for now, I just hope you'll enjoy my high school football card. Mike Martz certainly does.
See you on Sundays!
AP
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Not
Everyone say hello to Matthew ( on the far left). He is our new point guard on the Broadmoor Nuggets and leads the Ampsgun attack. Please note Topper on the far right getting ready for another tour of duty in the low post.
We won today 19-16. Matthew had 9 points and Topper went 0-5 with no rebounds and 2 fouls.
Nipping.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
I just couldn't leave well enough alone
Learning that Ickey is now coaching the Cincinnati Sizzle of the National Women's Football Association was just too much to take without doing a little research. I encourage all of you to review the league website at http://www.womensfootballassociation.com/ and peruse the team pages. I have included a team photo of Ickey and his squad above, and no, I am not OK. For a closer look, please click the photo. I really encourage you to do this.
I Love the Cincinnati Bengals
What's not to love about the Bengals? Here is a handsome photo and reminder of the last glory days of the Bengals. For those wondering, Ickey is currently the coach of the Cincinnati Sizzle of the National Women's Football Association and runs the Ickey Woods Youth Foundation. Yes, that is correct.
Congratulations to Coach Lewis on setting an example for the rest of the league. Your team defines the Amps spirit. Thank you.
Jan. 25, 2007, 4:19PMBengals' Henry goes to jail, waits for NFL decision
Associated Press
CINCINNATI — Chris Henry got a judge's lecture and a two-day jail sentence after settling the last of his four court cases today, putting the Cincinnati Bengals receiver in line for another suspension from the NFL.
Henry drew a two-game suspension this season for violating the league's conduct and substance abuse policies, and could get a harsher punishment for his latest convictions.
"We are reviewing this and will take appropriate disciplinary action in due course," spokesman Steve Alic said.
Henry has become the symbol of Cincinnati's extensive off-field problems — nine players arrested in the last nine months, two of them suspended by the league during the season. Henry had four arrests in the last 14 months.
He avoided jail time in the first three cases, but was taken to the Kenton County Jail in northern Kentucky today after a judge accepted his guilty plea for letting minors drink in a hotel room he rented last spring.
"You embarrassed yourself," Kenton County District Judge Greg Grothaus told Henry. "You embarrassed a lot of people, teammates, friends and family, the city, the fans and myself."
Grothaus gave Henry a 90-day sentence, and suspended all but two days. Prosecutor Ken Easterling wanted Henry to spend some time in jail.
"Looking at his history and the amount of times he's gone before other courts and not gotten jail time, the reason we sought jail time was to send a very clear message to him that this is going to be the response every time you get in trouble in our community," Easterling said. "So I hope, as the judge indicated, that he gets the message."
When the Bengals' season ended with an 8-8 mark, coach Marvin Lewis sent the message that he was cracking down on player misconduct. Since then, cornerback Johnathan Joseph has been arrested and charged with possession of marijuana.
Six of the Bengals' picks from the last two drafts have been charged with crimes.
"It's good that this case involving Chris has been resolved," Lewis said in a statement. "Now Chris must continue to strive to mature and grow both as a player and as a person."
In the last two days, Henry accepted plea agreements to end the last two court cases against him.
In neighboring Clermont County, he entered a guilty plea on Wednesday to reckless operation of a vehicle. He was arrested last June on a drunken-driving charge, but the results of a breath test were thrown out because the machine was improperly calibrated. Henry had registered 0.092 on the blood-alcohol test, above the state's legal limit of 0.08 percent.
He was fined $250, given a suspended 30-day jail sentence and prohibited from using alcohol or drugs as part of the agreement. He will have to take random drug tests.
Henry's lawyer, Bob Lotz, declined to comment. Clermont County prosecutor Don White said the plea agreement was offered some time ago.
"His attorney is trying to put everything together, get everything taken care of at one time," White said.
On Thursday, Henry settled the case involving underaged drinking. He originally was charged with three counts of unlawful transactions with a minor.
Police said he brought alcohol for three females — ages 18, 16 and 15 — in a Covington, Ky., motel room on April 29. One of the three, Monica Beamon, 18, was charged with murder in Cincinnati last September.
Witnesses said Henry was not drinking and did not buy the alcohol. He pleaded guilty Thursday to a misdemeanor violation of a city ordinance commonly referred to as a "keg law."
As part of his sentence, Henry has to give speeches to high school and middle school students in the area.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has been troubled by the Bengals' series of arrests. When he visited the team last September, he reminded them of their responsibility to stay out of trouble.
A few days later, linebacker Odell Thurman was arrested on a drunken-driving charge, and Henry was a passenger. Thurman, already serving a four-game suspension for skipping a drug test, had the punishment extended to the full season.
Henry wasn't charged in that matter, but got a two-game suspension for his marijuana and weapon cases that were already settled. He could receive a longer suspension for the two latest convictions.
———Associated Press writer Dan Sewell in Cincinnati contributed to this report.
Associated Press
CINCINNATI — Chris Henry got a judge's lecture and a two-day jail sentence after settling the last of his four court cases today, putting the Cincinnati Bengals receiver in line for another suspension from the NFL.
Henry drew a two-game suspension this season for violating the league's conduct and substance abuse policies, and could get a harsher punishment for his latest convictions.
"We are reviewing this and will take appropriate disciplinary action in due course," spokesman Steve Alic said.
Henry has become the symbol of Cincinnati's extensive off-field problems — nine players arrested in the last nine months, two of them suspended by the league during the season. Henry had four arrests in the last 14 months.
He avoided jail time in the first three cases, but was taken to the Kenton County Jail in northern Kentucky today after a judge accepted his guilty plea for letting minors drink in a hotel room he rented last spring.
"You embarrassed yourself," Kenton County District Judge Greg Grothaus told Henry. "You embarrassed a lot of people, teammates, friends and family, the city, the fans and myself."
Grothaus gave Henry a 90-day sentence, and suspended all but two days. Prosecutor Ken Easterling wanted Henry to spend some time in jail.
"Looking at his history and the amount of times he's gone before other courts and not gotten jail time, the reason we sought jail time was to send a very clear message to him that this is going to be the response every time you get in trouble in our community," Easterling said. "So I hope, as the judge indicated, that he gets the message."
When the Bengals' season ended with an 8-8 mark, coach Marvin Lewis sent the message that he was cracking down on player misconduct. Since then, cornerback Johnathan Joseph has been arrested and charged with possession of marijuana.
Six of the Bengals' picks from the last two drafts have been charged with crimes.
"It's good that this case involving Chris has been resolved," Lewis said in a statement. "Now Chris must continue to strive to mature and grow both as a player and as a person."
In the last two days, Henry accepted plea agreements to end the last two court cases against him.
In neighboring Clermont County, he entered a guilty plea on Wednesday to reckless operation of a vehicle. He was arrested last June on a drunken-driving charge, but the results of a breath test were thrown out because the machine was improperly calibrated. Henry had registered 0.092 on the blood-alcohol test, above the state's legal limit of 0.08 percent.
He was fined $250, given a suspended 30-day jail sentence and prohibited from using alcohol or drugs as part of the agreement. He will have to take random drug tests.
Henry's lawyer, Bob Lotz, declined to comment. Clermont County prosecutor Don White said the plea agreement was offered some time ago.
"His attorney is trying to put everything together, get everything taken care of at one time," White said.
On Thursday, Henry settled the case involving underaged drinking. He originally was charged with three counts of unlawful transactions with a minor.
Police said he brought alcohol for three females — ages 18, 16 and 15 — in a Covington, Ky., motel room on April 29. One of the three, Monica Beamon, 18, was charged with murder in Cincinnati last September.
Witnesses said Henry was not drinking and did not buy the alcohol. He pleaded guilty Thursday to a misdemeanor violation of a city ordinance commonly referred to as a "keg law."
As part of his sentence, Henry has to give speeches to high school and middle school students in the area.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has been troubled by the Bengals' series of arrests. When he visited the team last September, he reminded them of their responsibility to stay out of trouble.
A few days later, linebacker Odell Thurman was arrested on a drunken-driving charge, and Henry was a passenger. Thurman, already serving a four-game suspension for skipping a drug test, had the punishment extended to the full season.
Henry wasn't charged in that matter, but got a two-game suspension for his marijuana and weapon cases that were already settled. He could receive a longer suspension for the two latest convictions.
———Associated Press writer Dan Sewell in Cincinnati contributed to this report.
The Man is the Arenas
Well, it's another week and time for some more random philosophical thoughts..
What a great week this has been! Marvelous Monday served us the delicious exacta ticket ( we'll go with the horse racing theme since this is one of Fupa's favorite pasttimes) of Saggy Tits retiring and Carmie coming back from his 15 game suspension for fighting against the New York Knicks. Please remember that Carmie also produced a video in his hometown of Baltimore promoting not ratting out your friends that commit gang violence. All Carmie has done in his two games back is average 30 points while shaking the rust off. I really enjoy watching Carmie and AI, a member of the All Time Amps team, play together. Speaking of the All Time Amps team, I would like to nominate a trainee for this esteemed organization. The disciple of Christ whom I am referring to is Gilbie Arenas, one of the best pure scorers in the NBA. Gilbie has taken it upon himself to declare war against the flong coaching staff of Team USA that cut him this Summer- Mike D'Antoni, whoever the Blazers coach is, and one of the super flongs in the basketball world, Mike Krzyzewski. Please read the following link regarding Gilbie:
If any one is interested in a Gilbie Jersey, you may peruse them by clicking on this link:
they are all very handsome and would make great gifts. We are all sitting on pins and needles waiting for Gilbie to make his appearance in Denver next season.
Praise the Lord and Hallelujah that FUPA is gone. I'm not sure how great Jason Garrett is, but I guess I am overvaluing him because I'm so glad FUPA is gone. Unfortunately for Shooter, FUPA will be moving to the same city. Maybe Charlie Weis can entice him to make a permanent stopover in South Bend.
I am so happy that Nacious finally gets to play in the Super Bowl. I hope he wins MVP. Or Devvie Hester.
Did everyone see that Mike Shula was hired as the quarterbacks coach at Jacksonville? He and Campo are really forming a powerhouse support staff for Del Rio. I hope David Garrard tells him to FO and gets traded to the Cowboys. I love David. Byron is a cutie, also.
Topper told me today that he read somewhere Mike Vick may get traded for Randy Gene. If this happens I will screen splatter. Speaking of the Raiders, I am so proud of Arthur Shell and what he has accomplished. Hopefully he will find another head coaching job soon.
Vagina of the week ( and maybe the month) has to go to Sean Hannity. The gym that I go to always has him on ( you can't change the channel) and he is the absolute worst.
I'm nominating Gilbie for baby of the month.
Topper just came in the basement, took the remote control from me, and changed it from The NFL Network to The Fresh Prince. This type of " me first" attitude embodies Amps and I am so proud of him. His school team lost today 28-8 and he scored one basket and shot every time they passed him the ball. When his teammates missed shots ( which was all the time), he contorted his face into a sour expression and would make a displeased gasping noise, then would loaf back on defense. I am so proud of him.
Here's another poem to end things for the night...
Roses are red,
Mexicans come mow my lawn,
Praise God and all his glory that FUPA is gone.
Amps joke of the week:
What do old bananas and old prostitutes have in common?
They are both bruised and nobody wants to eat them.
If you still haven't seen Pursuit of Happyness, go see it.
Also, if you think about it, rent Little Miss Daisy just to watch Alan Arkin and the Ampette. It is a pants-wetter.
Out.
Friday, January 19, 2007
My sincerest apologies
Dear Amps Nation,
I am so sorry for forgetting to mention baby Devin in my previous schedule. I don't know how I could have forgotten him. I guess Reginald, Franklin, Pooh, and KD have me too stirred up.
Any way, please accept my apologies. I have included photos of Devin and Reginald to help make up for this blatant misjudgment.
Amps
It's Championship weekend...
Well, it is championship weekend, so what better time than some random philsophical thoughts...
First of all, thanks to the Ampsters for the wonderful photos of DeWayne and KD. I love them both so much and they are going to make a shit load of money next year- and deservedly so.
I would also like to thank Barry Bonds just for being him.
I would also like to publicly announce that I love Franklin Gore, and should I get the top pick in the 2007 HH draft I am taking him.
How long does it take FUPA to make up his fucking mind??????? What an asshole. Waiting around to draw attention to himself while all of his assistants are like rats scurrying off of a sinking - and I mean sinking- ship. James Cameron could entertain this catastrophe as being his sequel- but he wouldn't need Leo to star in it. He could just get c-level footage of Fupa swimming up behind Columbo and Rivera in the hot tub at Valley Ranch and showing them his game plan. He could burst out of the foam like Andy Duphrene did in Sawshank Redemption and scream "Your Ass! Your Ass!" then speed dial Lubbock and his good friend and confidante Coach Knight and tell him about still another conquest. There is always Bobby Carpenter for sloppy seconds. I'm sure Zimmer will be a great fit in Atlanta- one under achiever coaching the biggest bunch of under achievers in the NFL. How long will it be before D'Angelo tells Zim to fuck off? I can't wait. Maybe if FUPA retires or dies JJ will promote Chris Palmer or Tony Sparano. They did great jobs this year. I also read that Dan Henning, " a close confidante ( pole smoker) " of Fupa has the inside track to replace David Lee. Two thoughts on this - Who in the fuck is David Lee? Why in God's name would anyone hire Dan Henning? How much of these retreads are we going to have to see every single season. Get some fresh blood on the coaching scene.
The bottom line is the Cowboys players hate Fupa and they fade every season- and they don't give a shit. His hand picked defense sucks, and Bobby Carpenter is the chief sucker.
Steven Jackson, Shawne Merriman, Marcus McNeill, Dominique Byrd..it goes on and on and on and on and on. I understand that Julius has some good games every once in a while, but he is no Steven Jackson. Please. Plus he went to Notre Dame just like Anthony Fasano ( Did he even play in the game against the Seahawks?). Oh wait a minute, I forgot- Bobby Carpenter dropped two interceptions and jumped up in the air to block a pass. DeMarcus had one tackle and no sacks. Marcus Spears, as usual, did nothing. Kevin Burnett did nothing. Enough already. FUPA, waddle your ass back to New Jersey, hit the bath houses and give a happy ending to Mike Golic. Just leave the Cowboys. Please.. Do you think if we had Steven Jackson and Marcus McNeill that maybe we could have gotten one yard against one of the worst rushing defenses in the league?
Oh, one more thought on our heroes and then I'm done ( I promise). T.O. led the NFL in touchdown receptions this season and played all year with a broken finger- but he's not good enough for Galloway and Spagnola.
I can't wait to watch Reginald this weekend. I am really being a band wagoner and starting to love the Saints. Deuce. Reginald. Marques. Joseph. DeVery. Mother God. Are you kidding me? They remind me a lot of the best team in the history of the greatest league ever, the 1999 St. Louis Rams. Reginald returns punts, kicks, is the best receiving back in the league, and also slams it into the line of scrimmage. He has super human strength and speed, is clean cut, articulate, and media savvy. I can see why the Texans took Mario Williams. All time biggest asshole franchise ever. They just promoted Kyle Shanahan to quarterbacks coach. WHAT? The only quarterback coaching he has ever done is on the California King with Chrissie Simms. Kyle Shanahan is NOT the new type of coach I was referring to earlier in the schedule.
Anyway, back to the games....
I just don't see how the Bears are going to stop the Saints. Deuce and Reginald spread things out, and then you've got Marques and St. Joseph going long- and Drew can get the ball to any of them at any moment. The Bears defense has looked like shit for the past 5 weeks ( remind you of any other NFL team) and their offense is terrible. I can't believe they beat Seattle. Grossman is a joke and Thomas Jones is getting tired. Mr. Berrian is a cutie though, and so is Mushie.
Does anyone seriously think that the Patriots are going to lose? I've seen this too many times. Peyton has looked like shit in both playoff games ( as usual), and Belichick knows how to work that defense. Look for Corey and Lawrence to have big, big, big games. I even think Spaniel Graham will cause some problems. I will never, ever bet against Brady. Ever. I do love Nacious and Reggie and Joseph, though. Kenny Chesney had better be crooning like he's never crooned before for his boy to finally play in the big one. Not going to happen. Take the Patriots.
Ok, who is sick of all the attention that Archie Manning is getting?
Is anyone going to be able to stop the Mavericks this season? They are a runaway train. Hopefully they will keep their focus and make up for last season's debacle. Winning it all is the only thing that will erase that stigma. We'll see what the Suns have to say about things in the conference finals.
I watched Kobias against Duncan the other night. Kobe had 2 fouls in the first three minutes and Duncan was still whining about every single call every single time down the floor. Please watch a Spurs game when they are playing at home and tell me that the games aren't fixed. It is unbelievable. I wish someone would shove a pick axe through Popovich. How great is PJ Carlesimo's gig? He makes like 800k a year and just sits there and makes sure that Pop doesn't stain one of his stylish turtlenecks. I wish Spree had finished the job.
I hope everyone is as proud of Mike Tyson as I am. He is definitely on the honorable mention V-Amps team.
Well, it's getting late and I'm getting boring so it's time to turn out the lights. But I'll end things
with a little poem...
Violets are blue,
Roses are red,
Maybe the decision is taking so long
because Fupa is dead.
"His upside is out of this world."
"It's nearly impossible to compare players and teams from different eras because the game continues to evolve in ways that nobody ever imagined. Tuesday night, I watched a triple-OT game between Texas and Oklahoma State where a 6-foot-11, 190-pound forward (the outrageously talented Kevin Durant, my current basketball obsession other than the Suns) scored 37 points on an eclectic mix of 25-footers, spin moves, jump hooks and drives to either side. He did everything facing the basket. He looked like a 6-foot-11 Tracy McGrady. Trust me when I tell you this: We've never seen anyone remotely resembling Kevin Durant on a basketball court before. If you stuck him in a time machine and transported him back to the Russell-Chamberlain Era, he'd probably average 55 points a game. Just the mere thought of his putting on a Celtics jersey makes me want to start sobbing with joy. "
ESPN's Bill Simmons, commenting on KD
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Coaching Isn't Really That Hard
Marty Schottenheimer is a complete flong. How do you not give the ball to Danish more when the game is on the line in the fourth quarter, especially after he gains 6 yards on first down. Why do so many coaches in the NFL over-complicate things. If Danish had carried the ball 30 times, San Diego would have won, because Danish is Danish. Likewise if FUPA had decided to throw the ball down the field to babies T.O. and Terry, Dallas would have beaten Seattle the same way Chicago did, but then we wouldn't hopefully have FUPA quit. I notice Rex Grossman didn't seem to have any problems completing passes to his receivers, and he sucks. If you have someone that is a complete baby, make sure they get the ball a lot. A lot.
On another note, James Lofton and Dennis Green apparently both have interviewed for the Raiders job, making another Ampstrip to Oakland a very distinct possibility. Let's all keep our fingers crossed.
Here is a photo of Dwayne Jarrett, just because.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Another reason to hate Salisbury
The NFL analyst who shall not be named that took a picture of his penis with a cell phone camera and has shown it to numerous, uncomfortable women, then was suspended by his network for it. Absolute true story. Please make sure to clean off the mirror when you are done with it.
And The Big Lead learned this morning that the analyst in question was ESPN's Sean Salisbury.
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